Ok, so I was in the chat room talking with a bunch of people. Throughout our conversation I made a couple soviet Russia jokes. Then somewhere along the line I mentioned that I'm working on three different novels(I doubt I will finish any, but I enjoy writing). Well, Fluffy Cow came up with a story plot (with the help of others as well) for a story about Russian potatoes. Something about eyes, and no thumbs, and potatoes falling in love. I don't normally write stories like that. I write a lot of government overthrow sort of stuff. So they went with Russian potatoes that overthrow the United States.
Well, here you go Fluffy Cows and other friends. My Russian potato story:
(Please pardon any grammar and spelling mistakes! :P)
No one saw it coming. Threats of war and nuclear strikes didn't prepare America for the evasion that crumbled the nation. The Russians never forgave the United States for their technical advancement that beat them in the Space Race. Their minds were still set in the Cold War, wanting to better America and over throw them.
They did indeed advance in technology after the war, which they used to destroy the strongest nation in the world. It seems so simple and an easy fix, but no one knew what was going on until it was too late.
It all began with a shipment of Russian potatoes. Yes potatoes. No one over looked these starchy food, waiting to be chopped up and turned into fried food. These Russian potatoes looked like any other American grown potato and were soon sorted out into dozens of other shipments of American potatoes.
Once the spuds were mixed in, they started infecting the other potatoes with a nano technology that was developed by the Russian government. Soon they were shipped off and distributed throughout the country.
Potatoes are used for so much. French fries, hash browns, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, even potato bread. Potatoes are the most popular vegetable in America. An average American eats about 140 pounds of potatoes every year. So do you see why the Russians infiltrated the American potato supply?
Once the potato was infected with the nanos it started infecting more and more potatoes. Suddenly people started dying. People were eating the infected potatoes and the nanos were killing them. The nanos began eating the people from within, most of the time causing them to bleed out internally.
After weeks of people being infected by these potatoes a strange thing happened. The potatoes sprouted an eye. A small mechanical eye about the size of a quarter. Almost the entire nation screamed and threw the spuds when the eye appeared. It happened almost all at once. Then three little, thin mechanical legs sprouted from the bottom of the potato. The darn things could walk.
The entire nation was in chaos. No one understood how suddenly these vegetables could walk and see. The people began to calm down once they realized the potatoes were harmless. They did nothing but walk around like curious ducklings.
The United States government banned the consumption of any and all potatoes until they could find out what was going on. But by doing so, the economy began to fall within a week. No one could even buy already processed potato products.
The fall didn't last long though. People started taking a liking to the potato creatures. Potatoes were being swept up from the streets and brought into homes. Potatoes became America's most popular pet at the time.
Soon potato stores opened. People were actually wanting to dress up their potatoes and take them on walks like dogs. Everyone had a potato pet. These thing were everywhere. The government wanted to round up all the spuds to study them. As you can guess, the people said "no."
Potato activist groups began forming. "Potatoes have the same rights as animals!" "Leave our spuds alone!" "It wasn't right to eat them to begin with!" You saw signs everywhere. There were even groups that thought potatoes were aliens who have been harvested and consumed by humans for a thousand years. They were done being eaten and have now shown their true nature.
Then there were groups like the Protecting the People from Spuds group. These people knew what they were doing. The group started off with about six members. They believed that the potatoes were something else, a weapon. They never saw through the lie.
What did the group do exactly? They killed the potatoes. A few of them came from the different branches of the American defenses. They had a pretty good shot.
They began taking out the potatoes by firing a bullet into the eye piece. They took out what they could find still roaming freely. Once those were gone they started shooting people's potato pets. People weren't too happy about that.
The six PPS members were arrested and put on house arrest for six month with no fire arm access. They made national news for killing the spuds.
They started capturing wild potatoes and dissecting them to see how they work. The only issue was that one of the members was killed by one of the potatoes. He started cutting into the "live" potato and was electrocuted in return. All spuds were taken from them and they were put on an even stricter house arrest.
It was only a few weeks later that the true invasion began. The potatoes started electrocuting their owners, killing them. The nation was thrown back into chaos. They tried to flee their homes to get away from the three legged spuds but couldn't get away. They could run. Fast.
Millions of people were dying from the spuds. Information was also being down loaded and sent to the Russians. Their troops landed on American soil to take what was left of the country.
The military began fighting the potatoes and the Russians as the people tried to hide. The PPS sprung into action, taking up arms and destroying the potatoes. No one knew how to destroy the potatoes like the PPS.
The nation was falling. The PPS members tried to tell the government how to destroy the potatoes but they wouldn't listen. They were too busy fighting humans to take care of the spud issue. The potatoes were the ones doing the most damage.
American population began decreasing as the death toll increased. Their allies never came to aide them in the Russian Potato War. People coward in their homes in fear of the potatoes. The Russian government took control of the crumbling nation and made it their own.
Today, they still control the United States. Though the potatoes are not used often, we still fear them. The SPPS, Secretly Protection People from Spuds group, is rising in numbers in hopes to overthrow the Soviet government.
Our children are taught in school how the Russians saved our nation and has made us better as a whole. They will never understand how the potatoes were used against us as millions died for this new nation.
Only one good thing has come out of this war though. America is healthier than ever. With the potato shortage, America's favorite food was no longer available. We had to resort to eating things like... carrots.
So join me now, fellow Americans! Fight for your country! Rid the States of the Russians and take back our spuds! We will ris-
*We interrupt your program to bring you our weekly reminder*
*Please remember, do not provoke the potatoes. Thank You!*
~Catchow
